Memory

I'd forgotten how angry and depressed I would get when I didn't have any distractions from the day to day reality of my life. back before I could afford booze and hadn't taken up smoking.

I'm just remembering those long and involved, non-specific, angst-jags I'd go on when I was in school. And that was 20 years ago. 'course it's proof that self-medication works. Sort of. 

I thought exercise was supposed to help with this problem.

joy and confusion

The two seem to be linked for me. She came into town last week, and I thought that we were going to try and take our relationship to a new level. A simpler, platonic, perhaps collegial level. Then she asked me if I was going to kiss her and I there really was only one response to that.

Three days of surprising joy (I'm using that word a lot lately) and subsequent confusion (with little sprinkles of an amazing variety of guilts). 

I feel the need for some sort of resolution. And oddly, this time it seems to be staying with me. Perhaps it's the multiple days of sobriety.