writing

It's good to be back at the local - working on a story. Reading some porn at the same time. Of course, the best porn doesn't really read like porn does it.

odd.

just back from overseas.

It was nice to be there, saw some sites (sights?), ate some food, all the usual stuff when I wasn't working. But I wasn't as aggressive as I have been in the past in exploring the city. Partly it was some tiredness, the days at the conference were rather long, and partly it was a certain apathy. I didn't feel like exploring the city alone. I wanted a lover with me, but none was to be had. Someone to share my jokes and create a sense of pure physical enjoyment that a new environment can bring. This lack drained me of a desire to explore the city completely - to search out the new experiences. 

Arguably it could be that it is simply a desire that displaces all others, leaving them hollow, or perhaps I'm just getting old.

I need a little resolve (if I may paraphrase)

I'm not sure what I should use it for though. I feel a breaking point coming - something to drive me to stat my desires (or at least some of them) to the one person that is supposed to be responsive to these. I haven't done this yet, but I'm hoping to reach a perfect point of crisis - where I have the will and passion to address the situation, but am not so crazed that I do it poorly.

wish me luck