It was nice to be there, saw some sites (sights?), ate some food, all the usual stuff when I wasn't working. But I wasn't as aggressive as I have been in the past in exploring the city. Partly it was some tiredness, the days at the conference were rather long, and partly it was a certain apathy. I didn't feel like exploring the city alone. I wanted a lover with me, but none was to be had. Someone to share my jokes and create a sense of pure physical enjoyment that a new environment can bring. This lack drained me of a desire to explore the city completely - to search out the new experiences.
Arguably it could be that it is simply a desire that displaces all others, leaving them hollow, or perhaps I'm just getting old.
I need a little resolve (if I may paraphrase)
I'm not sure what I should use it for though. I feel a breaking point coming - something to drive me to stat my desires (or at least some of them) to the one person that is supposed to be responsive to these. I haven't done this yet, but I'm hoping to reach a perfect point of crisis - where I have the will and passion to address the situation, but am not so crazed that I do it poorly.
wish me luck
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