succumb

So while it was necessary to succumb to various temptations (strippers, prostitutes), once I had an affair (of the heart I must add) it became impossible to scratch that itch with the older vices. I tried again today, and even had a really good dancer but I'm in the same boat, just a good deal poorer.

I need contact, real contact, heart mind body. But how do build that back into my life when I have realized that like any monster I've managed to destroy all constructs of that nature in my life. How do you build when your inherent mode of expression is insult, sarcasm or a flaying sort of analytical view.

"r" has given me some tools, but they feel clumsy in my hands and truly, neither I nor my partner really trust them. And how much damage will I cause as I learn to use a tool I don't really understand?