catharsis

I'm feeling the need for some. Though I don't know how to get it. All of my old vices have lost their lustre - assuming that they've ever helped me recharge. I don't think that they did in any positive way, but the guilt and frustration at my lack of self control  was a source of energy to drive me to do the day-to-day necessary things.

Now though, I only have the satisfaction of staying on top of my chores at home and work and a thin gruel it is. Oh to be sure the lack of stress  of seeing the line of credit total rise as steadily as a boat in the tide is a bonus, but it all feels so damn abstract.  I want something that I can feel.

But my only options are drink (which both concerns and bores me), masturbation (since my wife hasn't seen fit to forgive or forget), and masturbation is damn unsatisfying though it does keep me from going crazy and cigarettes, which also alarm me.

Keeping on top of things at work means more work (and theoretically more money) but I just don't care....

I try to care but it really doesn't work. I care about the writing, but it's hard to write at home, what with all the reminders of things I should be doing both at home and at work. Exercise is, well exercise. Good for my back and a drain on my will.

What do I do for real sensation?