Ache

That seems to be what I'm feeling today. Not really a pain, but just that ache of longing. Non specific, and completely untreatable in my present state. Long term solutions do exist, of course, but not today.

Part of it is withdrawal, we've seen each other so recently, with one really, really good scene and two days of chatting (and fucking). But now, nothing. Mostly at my request. R____ is still sending me stuff, just to stay in touch, and feel a sense of communication, but I can't respond without getting drawn into conversation, so I'm avoiding responses (except this one).

Still, it's my own damn fault, listening to the CD she sent me (one of the earlier ones).

And life feels a bit intense right now. B___ is struggling with her own motivation for her hobbies, and with life in general. I think that she's got breathing room right now and she's a bit at a loss for how to deal with it.

Me, I'm heading (somewhat) in the opposite direction. Trying to fully engage in all aspects. To successfully juggle my life. Deciding where I let some things go to focus on others. All in all though, it's a bit intense. I'm not used to this and my usual vices kind of suck. So now I'm back to a really old one, video games. I have a new gaming system, so I'm escaping there for hours at a time. But at least it doesn't take money, and allows me to chip away at some of the other things I should be doing in my study.