doing it

R____ sent me a comment on my last post (not that anyone else is reading this, but I like to use third person for appearances sake and for my own sanity) suggesting I read a certain book to help me let/get the beast to do what it wants/what I want.

Probably a good idea, but her point got me thinking, about what it wants to do.

But then I realized, that's all the beast wants to do, is do. It just wants to get the fucking job done. Doesn't care what it is, how sensible, how gratuitious, how silly, how spiritual or how dirty, just get the fuck out of its way and let it get it done.

I remember when I was a scout, and I built a raft that was a bad design, and I pushed the damn thing forward chest deep in freezing water 'cause finishing the race was what we were supposed to do. Didn't care why, was told to do it so I did. Until the leader pointed out that this wasn't the point.

I was pissed, I didn't care about the point of it all, I was doing the thing I was supposed to do. Fuck context.

Which is interesting, I'm so used to thinking about it in terms of work, that I didn't really understand other places I was using it (and where I wasn't) including running, working out (lately) and again, work. It's just that work is so BIG compared to everything else in my life. the single biggest block of my time and effort and it supports everything else, so no surprise.

So, I guess the question is how to get the beast to switch off (so I can sleep better) or switch gears (so I can play better.)