time

constantly feeling the press of time. trying to maintain focus on the task at hand while keeping all the other balls in the air.

I'm exerting myself, more than I have in a few years. Trying to stay ahead of the swell of the wave, keeping on top of all the shit that goes on in life. And I'm feeling the strain. I'm remembering now why I ended up drinking, smoking, going to the strip joints, in the first place. A desire to escape the constant sense of urgency that seems to wrap around me.

A desire for the reward that doing a good job never really brings. or perhaps I feel that there should be a sense of completion with any job done, but no job is ever really done.

But perhaps that's the problem with my perspective, I should give jobs an ending, in my mind. This is done, time for the next job, even if it builds on the last one.

Still, now that I'm finding that the old vices have little or no appeal, it's a bit easier to keep on the tasks that matter. Work, writing, health, even my marriage to some extent. Though the last one obviously requires some degree of collaboration. There are signs (as from the last post) that things may move forward, but I'm in a holding pattern on that for a while. A couple more weeks for a response I figure, then I have to push again.

I'm also somewhat frustrated, by the blog. I had a number of topics, flashes of ideas really, that I wanted to post. But no joy.

Oh, one other thing. Went out drinking on Friday, and ended up chatting with a couple of chicks at the bar (a new one, the old one's too crowded on the big nights) and didn't even really flirt. Guess I'm learning. Know when the game is worth playing, and when it's not. Some of the time anyway.

But really, wtf, girls talking to guys at bars? Their supposed to travel in groups and avoid guys drinking alone. It's odd to see the rules change like this.